Stats on cheating can seem overwhelming, so we looked to Thomas Martin, a former FBI agent and president of Martin Investigative Services, a California private investigative service. With 38 years under his belt, Martin could write a book. So he did, online at investigatorconfidential.com. An entire chapter is about determining if your partner is cheating.Details
The text below is an excerpt from “The Cheating Spouse” chapter of Thomas G. Martin’s popular book, If You Only Knew. Martin has seen thousands of cheating spouse cases in the last 40 years.
1. Changing Habits
Your husband has been coming home from work everyday for the past ten years at 5pm, but recently he’s pushing the arrival time to 9pm or so. Or maybe he used to go out with pals once a week and now he’s stepping out 3-4 times a week, acting secretive and jumpy. Plus, Mr. Practical traded in the mini-van for a Dodge Viper and you’re no longer invited to ride along.
Occasionally there are reasons why you can’t join him, but he should be making an attempt to involve you. Invite yourself along when he goes out with his friends. If he’s working late, offer to bring him dinner. If he declines, look into the situation.
2. Leaving Early and Returning Late
Is he leaving for work much earlier than he needs to and coming home later? Unfaithful partners may leave the house right after their shower, just to have breakfast with someone else. Is this another change in habits that is unexplained?
3. Business Trips
He says he has to take a business trip, even though his company’s travel budget has been slashed. Business trips that used to be short now start on Friday and require an entire weekend because he says he likes get settled in his hotel room and use the alone-time to prepare for Monday’s presentation. He says it’s against company policy to bring you along. Or, regardless of “buy one, get one free” airline and hotel specials, he says, “we can’t afford” to extend his business trip into a mini-vacation for both of you.
4. Holiday Absences
He finds reasons not to participate in family events, needing to help a friend move or work out at the gym. He says he doesn’t feel comfortable joining your family for a special dinner, but doesn’t want you to stay home with him.
5. Excessive Overtime
His job and his paycheck are the same but his workload seems to have doubled. He now works late into the night and weekends. And why won’t he discuss the details of that huge, time-consuming project he’s now on? He refuses to meet near his office for a late-night date, explaining that he can’t be interrupted. When he comes home, it’s right to bed. And it’s sleep, no pillow talk.
6. Unexplained Expenditures
He earns money but none of it seems to come home. He makes excessive ATM withdrawals, but he can’t point to any large purchases to explain where the money went. He borrows money from you. One explanation: Affairs are costly. There are dinners, gifts and getaways.
7. Secretive Accounts
You both used to have an open-door policy concerning shared finances, but now he insists on handling it all. He accuses you of snooping in his wallet or briefcase. Maybe he hides them. There’s a difference between one partner taking care of balancing the checkbook and someone suddenly being secretive about checking account balances.
8. Hidden Bills and Letters
There are expenditures and phone numbers that he doesn’t want you to see, so he has credit card and phone bills sent to his work instead of home. Or maybe he’s rented a mailbox for bills, new credit cards or private letters. He doesn’t tell you, but you stumble across the U.S. Post Office key or see it on his key chain.
Sometimes, there is a valid reason for establishing a mailbox address. Frequent movers use them but usually not someone who has lived in the same house for fifteen years. Someone may want a post office box for safety reasons, too. But do you both know the location and have access to a key? Women who have hired our private investigation firm to complete surveillance are shocked to learn that their partner has a private, secret box.
9. Extra Grooming
Your boyfriend is buying expensive clothes and paying particular attention to his hair. Telltale sign: the man who use to lube his car now sports manicured nails. He may be boosting his self-esteem, but there also may be another reason for this “extra effort.”
10. Scent of Another Woman
He comes home from a long day of work appearing freshly showered, well-groomed and smelling better than when he left. Is that new cologne he’s wearing?
11. Buying Jewelry
He’s wearing gold rings or chains for the first time.
Or you find out that he’s buying women’s jewelry but you haven’t seen any of it.
12. Unexplained Items
He keeps cologne, hair spray or blankets in his car.
Ticket stubs, hotel keys, greeting cards, lipstick holders, earrings and condom wrappers find their way into your home without explanation.
13. Health Club Membership
He has a sudden commitment to improving his physique. Or he joins a gym, tells you he’s going there every day but his appearance doesn’t seem to change from month to month. He denies that health clubs are good places to meet people. And even though he says he’s benefiting, he doesn’t want you to work out at the same gym.
The number of hang-up telephone calls at your home has jumped. But when he answers the phone, someone’s always on the other end. You push *69 and use caller ID to investigate hang-up calls. Or after he’s made a call, you hit the redial button, but you don’t know the person or company on the other end of line.
15. Coded Text Messages
You observe an unusually high amount of text messaging. He keeps his phone close to him; at night. He receives texts from unfamiliar numbers or with codes like “11691.” You witness him on a different mobile phone than he normally uses, or find one in his car’s glove box. He hides the phone bills.
16. Less Sex
He use to always be ready for sex, despite mood, workload or stress level. Lately, you’ve expressed interest and he’s hesitant.
Instead of taking the time to talk, he now walks out in mid-sentence and refuses to finish the conversation. Fights are more frequent and they never get resolved.
17. Evasiveness and Defensiveness
He no longer freely gives information. He doesn’t want to join you for lunch. He starts an argument when you ask about his plans, thereby avoiding the question and making you think twice before you quiz him again.
18. Obvious Lies
Two of your girlfriends saw your boyfriend with a woman at a bar, but when you questioned him about it, he said he was working late. It’s time to: 1) see if he has a twin or 2) take a serious look at what’s going on.
He gets on your case when you ask something simple, like how his day was. He’s irritable and easily provoked.
20. Hates Your Visits
Does he get angry by your surprise visits to his office even though it’s not inconvenient or inappropriate for you to be there? Maybe he doesn’t want you to meet any of the new female employees at the office.
You are not alone.
You are likely not crazy.
If you have a spouse that dismisses your suspicions of infidelity by saying that “you’re crazy”, here are the facts:
Of the over 33,000 marital surveillances we have performed:
- 97% of the time we catch the mate cheating.
- 80% of these clients are female, so…
- 80% of the time, we are following men.
Those that come to us want incontestable proof, so they can have finality.
See how we catch cheating spouses.
The case for sensitivity
Delivering the bad news can be challenging, but it’s important to do so in a way that is sensitive to what the person is going through.
We also help that person with any professional help they may need, be it references to talented psychologists or the best divorce lawyers possible. We want our clients to be able to move forward with their lives.
See how we catch cheating spouses.
Get a better divorce.
With tangible proof of the affair.
It is critical to find definitive proof of infidelity, as it can make all the difference if you decide to proceed with divorce.
Why choose Martin Investigative Services to catch a cheating spouse:
Evidence that stands up.
Our experienced investigators provide court-admissible evidence that can make all the difference in a trial.
Former Federal agents.
Perform the surveillance.
Former DEA, FBI, IRS, and Secret Service agents personally perform your surveillance case and deliver the results to you.
High success rate.
40+ years experience.
We provide quality surveillance services with an unmatched success rate. We provide you with the truth.
We keep nothing.
We give all copies of photos and videos collected during any surveillance investigation directly to the client. We keep nothing.
Case Study: Surveillance
Orange County Cheating Spouse Case
A wife, and mother of three children, met with us in our Orange County office. She suspected her husband was cheating on her but she needed proof.
Our private investigators performed a minimum 4-hour surveillance on her husband. We provided video of her husband and his lover going to a local hotel.
We referred the client to one of our preferred attorneys who assisted in obtaining a divorce decree.
Every year, Martin Investigative Services investigates hundreds of cheating spouse cases and surveillances. We perform these sensitive investigations with a level of discreet, professional courtesy.
Martin in the news: Surveillance
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Testimonials for Martin Investigative Services:
Martin Investigative Services is truly one of the best run organizations we have worked with. Fair, efficient and professional. Tom Martin in particular exudes confidence and experience and isn’t afraid to tell it like it is. That’s something we can rely on.
Kreative Webworks, Inc. Organizational Resources Specialist
I have used Martin Investigative Services for everything from marital indiscretions to finding hidden assets for more than 25 years. Working with Mr. Martin has been invaluable to my practice. Tom Martin is insightful, creative and never fails to deliver. I endorse his firm without hesitation or reservation.
Attorney at Law
Tom Martin is thorough, knowledgeable and trustworthy. We have used Tom and his team to great success and will continue to do so.
Partner Manatt, Phelps & Phillips, LLP
I have known Tom Martin and used Martin Investigative Services for over a decade. They have been our exclusive resource for all our corporate investigative work and have never let us down once in all those years. Their work has always been of the highest professional level.
I have no reservations whatsoever in endorsing Mr. Martin and his firm. Their service to us has always reflected the highest integrity and quality and we continue to rely on Tom with the utmost confidence.
President & CEO Co-Pak Packaging Corp. Ontario, Canada
My partner and I have utilized the services of Martin Investigative Services for in excess of 15 years. The services provided have ranged from simple background checks to covert surveillance and investigations into corporate malfeasance/conversion/theft of assets.
I have found Martin’s investigators conscientious, qualified, and most important of all, very credible to triers of fact when their testimony was necessary. Critical to any busy trial attorney is time. I have also found that upon turning an assignment over to Martin Investigative Services, I do not have to micromanage the assignment. It is done promptly and efficiently, with an eye toward the financial resources and capabilities of the client.
Attorney at Law Silverstein & Huston
Successful people know that to be the best, you model the best. I cannot recommend Martin PI any higher! In a five minute conversation with experienced people you can save thousands by bypassing sales types. They do this by cutting directly to the heart based on years and years of passionate pursuit of best practices and adding massive value to their clients. They are an invaluable part of my team and Tom is my most valued mentor!
Author of Destiny's Doorstep
We have used Martin Investigative Services for three decades. Their work is exemplary; reports are perfect and their testimony is very professional, with great judge and jury appeal. We will not use anyone else for our investigations.
Former Orange County Trial Lawyer Association Trial Lawyer of the Year
Thomas G. Martin is a private investigator who is highly regarded and widely used by attorneys and other clients in Orange County and nationwide.
I am proud to state that I have exclusively used the professional services of Tom Martin and his firm for more than 20 years. Whenever the need arises for a private investigator, the only name that I consider for my clients is Tom. In my 40 year career as a family lawyer, I recognized the importance of professional investigators. Unfortunately, many of the investigators that I have encountered have not satisfied the professional standard that I expect. I have utilized the firm in some very delicate and discrete investigations and situations requiring a strong security presence. In every engagement, both my clients and myself have been completely satisfied. I have I have no reservations in endorsing Tom and his firm for any investigative assignments.
Attorney and Firm Principal Hughes & Hughes, LLP
I have worked with Martin Investigative Services for our company investigations for close to 20 years. Tom and the team are always professional, skilled and get right to the heart of any assignment I have for them. I would highly recommend Martin Investigative Services for any workplace investigation.
Vice President Village Nurseries Wholesale, LLC
I have known Tom Martin and used his services for many years. I trust him with the most challenging investigative tasks.
Professional and efficient, he and his staff leave no stone unturned to get the job done.
Trial Lawyer, Former President of California's Trial Bar
I have used Thomas Martin’s services for many years and have found his work to be of the highest standards. He gets the job done quickly, efficiently and reliably. He is aware of the law and always submits quality reports. I highly recommend Martin Investigative Services to any attorney, business or individual who is in need of a professional investigator.
Attorney at Law
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