STEP UP YOUR GAME: PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS ARE NOT MATCHMAKERS

This week I turned down 6 cases from people that wanted to hire us to find a missed “love connection”.

While we are really good at helping people, when clients come to us with matters of love, sometimes we have to help them temper expectations with a dose of common sense.

Here are some of the requests we get from people:

• The chances of finding someone when you only have a first name is remote. Even if it’ an uncommon name, there are just too many other variables to locate your subject.
• If you have a photo of the person, that is of no help. Other than a basic Google reverse image search that you can do yourself, we do not have facial-recognition technology at our disposal.
• We can not identify someone from an airplane seat number.
• We can not identify someone from a cabin number on a cruise ship.
• We can not identify someone at the beach from a description of their vehicle.
• We can not identify someone who was at a sporting event from their seat number.
• We can not identify someone who is cute, with blond hair that goes to a particular school in San Diego.
• I met a guy/girl last night but I was afraid to speak with him/her. This should be easy as he/she sat at the end of the bar at Jake’s. Can’t you get his/her receipts? Can’t you look at the bar’s video?
• I saw a girl at the movies last night in Los Angeles and she had a tattoo of the Beatles on her left arm. It was the midnight movie.

The vast majority of these requests (about 90%) come from men. So guys: Please put on your big boy pants. Don’t fear rejection and introduce yourself to the girl. You will almost know instantly if there is any chemistry. If not, move on.

We have had some high-end clients who have spent thousands of dollars finding Mr. or Mrs. “Right” who escaped unidentified. These cases require untolled hours and tedious investigative work with no guarantee of success. So unless you have endless buckets of disposable cash, please: step up your game.

If you find yourself in the unenviable position of “wishing” you had made contact, please do not call us in the morning – try missed connections on Craigslist.

Finally, some guidance when you negotiate the obstacles in the world of dating: When you meet someone, get their first and last name. If you get a cell phone number, email or home address, all the better. If you want to make your intentions known, give the other person your identifying information so they might keep in contact with you.

Next week:
Surveillance jobs of teenagers: A nightmare for parents.