WANT TO FIND YOUR BIRTH PARENTS?
The two weeks before Mother’s Day are some of the busiest our agency has.
Over the past two weeks, we received around 100 inquiries from both men and women that are trying to find their birth parents. During the rest of the year (not counting just before Father’s Day) we normally get about 5-8 inquiries per week.
Of those 100 inquiries, we were only able to take on 12 of those cases. The reason is simple: Most adoptees have little or no information for us to pursue. Father’s Day actually generates more cases because fathers tend to be easier to find – mothers can marry and change their last name.
Before you call us or another firm to try and find your birth parents, let me give you some guidelines and tips based on our involvement in thousands of cases finding birth parents over the past 40 years.
First, understand that it is completely reasonable for you to search out your birth parents. The desire is inherently driven by your human nature. Don’t fight the feeling. Your search may be the result of simply knowing why you were placed for adoption, genetics or valuable medical information.
Second, don’t worry that your adoptive parents will be upset.
Third, don’t wait until your adoptive parents die.
Fourth, gather as much information as you can from the adoption agency, if there was one, or the county and state where the adoption took place. Try to determine the identity of any attorneys or law firms that might have been involved in the process.
Fifth, do a complete timeline of events once you have exhausted all your investigative leads and sources.
Sixth, and this is probably the most important tip I can give you, have a third party interview your adoptive parents if you are gleaning no information from them. Find a private investigator that is skilled in the art of interview and interrogation. We have done hundreds of these interviews and we’re always surprised at the cases when we are able to obtain an original birth certificate or the actual names of the birth parents from the adopted parents. It is always easier for the professional to explain your innermost need to locate your birth parents and advise that your search should not be taken personally by your loving adoptive parents.
Seventh, search out a private investigator or adoption search specialist that can assist you and cut through the obstacles and red tape. We are very transparent in our adoption search fees. Many are done for a simple $495 locate fee, while those requiring a more complicated effort can often reach $5,000 in fees.
Eighth, once found, never approach the birth parent on your own. This can be disastrous to the entire process. They may have married, had children and never told anyone about giving birth to you. You need to give them time to digest the information, and the choice of what to do with it.
Ninth, don’t retain us to help if you don’t clearly understand the following: Although it rarely happens, if the birth parent doesn’t want to meet with you, then we will not provide their contact information to you and yes, you still pay our fees. When this occurs, we always obtain medical information from the birth parent for our clients and share that openly with them.
This past week we had a reunion of a father, age 68, and daughter, age 51. It was a fairly easy and inexpensive locate as the father’s name was very unusual. He was located using the data from our own in-house computer system. The ironic part of this search was that they were both living in the city of Anaheim, California and their homes were less than two miles apart.
For those of you with funding issues, you might want to Google “adoption search angels.” Many offer their services at no charge. Beware those that may bait and switch you: They start out free, find information and then charge you outrageous prices.
There are also State and National Reunion Registries, some controlled and maintained by private agencies and/or government entities. These agencies allows both birth parents and adoptees to search for a match. There are also some genealogy search experts that can aid in your search.
Finally, you can always avail yourself of our no fee consultation by calling our number below. We will make every effort to guide you onto the right path and be brutally honest when your information will not be sufficient to locate your birth parents.
MARTINPI OPERATES THROUGHOUT THE UNITED STATES AND FOREIGN COUNTRIES
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